Happy New Year to all of you 🙂 I hope you had a wonderful day and for those of you who stayed up until midnight NYE, that your sleep is now back on track. I mean it’s now Friyay, so I really hope it is. I did not stay up, and was asleep by 10pm. This said, my sleep has been rather erratic lately between working nights and a rather abrupt bout of evening anxiety I’ve been dealing with as of the past few weeks.
I’ve been writing A LOT lately, most of it’s private in one of my many notebooks. Most of it has also been free writing, where I just sit down and write whatever comes to mind. I usually find myself with a semi-topic by about 30-60 seconds of pen to paper time. On the other hand, I’ve also been thoroughly enjoying prompt or question initiated writing.
One of the recent question prompts I answered for myself contained the following questions:
- What has this been the decade of?
- What were the biggest teachers and teachings?
- If you could tell your 2009/2010 self anything, what would it be?
- What is the theme of the next decade?
These questions sparked my interest as they were about a greater span of time than only a year. I think pausing and looking back at a decade can really provide solid insight into our path, interests, patterns, and synchronicities .
While this post won’t get into all four of those questions, let’s focus on #1. “What has this been the decade of?”
It took me answering this question to come up with that two word combination that hits the nail on the head at such a deep core level.
My full answer (directly from journal number 3,029,584):
“Coming home to myself and realizing plus understanding that I am my only and my truest home. Allowing all of my self-ingredients to sync together all by actually allowing them to do so – because my ego never had, nor will it ever have the power to make that happen. The ego is control, and controlling things isn’t the key. There is no forcing, only flowing. It’s been the decade of beginning to dissect the deep and dark parts of myself and providing them light and appreciation. Listening to my intuition, spidey sense, and beginning to realize its true capacity to guide me to that internal North – the space where I feel safe and whole. Learning that my sixth sense really is a sixth sense. Practicing vulnerability and being an open book so-to-speak, and allowing this to motivate and support me to continue on my process. Risk taking and giving permission to not follow along with the ordinary box, and just letting whatever feelings come up with this challenging of societal norms.
It’s been the decade of planting many roots, exploring, following ideas.
Many life events have occurred which bring full-circle numerous things and create intersections in parts of my life I never would have thought of having ever intersected. This too, another learning: all parts are connected, no matter how disconnected they may seem.
- Graduated high school and college, the first with a less than stellar GPA, and the latter Summa Cum Laude
- Obtained personal training certification
- Started two websites, this here blog and sarahlacourse.com
- Began hiking
- Finished NH 4000 footer list
- First solo hike
- Started a business
- Worked in a neuroscience lab at UNH
- Started a masters program and stopped after a semester to pursue starting my own business instead
- Published a peer-reviewed manuscript on the Psychoneuroendocrine Factors in Menstrual Dysfunction Among Athletes
- Lost and regained my period after losing it for over 3 years
- Developed and taught four undergraduate level lectures (and an undergrad)
- Moved out of/packed up childhood home and relocated up North
- Relapsed, was in treatment, and also hit the 5 (and 6.5) year mark on remission
- Am living along for the first time ever
- Got my license
- Ran a spartan race, ultramarathon, and a few ruck events
- Dealt with three stress fractures, was diagnosed with osteopenia, and have learned how to navigate and heal to the best of my human ability
It’s been the decade of destroying myself and finding myself, a paradoxical yet beautiful and magical combination.
It’s been the decade that I chose myself, for myself. Where I learned I am worth it, all of it, and I have a story to share.
It’s been the decade of becoming friends with my darkness, because it kept me alive. And beginning to understand that my primary fear is feeling too much, rather that not enough.
It’s been the decade that displayed an internal compass that I know I have to follow, am following, and will never not follow again.”
What is the next decade the decade of? Cultivating the seeds and enjoying the process.
“Be like the single blade of grass. For she too, has been trampled on, mowed down, and hit with such bitterly cold stretches that she had to shut down to survive. Yet still she stands upright with dignity, knowing that she endures, and still she dances with the wind.” ― Sandra Kring