It’s currently Saturday evening and after a week that felt like a year I’m wanting to post something on the blog. Today is for sharing some of my writing from a couple months ago. It’s a topic I’ve been thinking A LOT about this week, especially as it pertains to my concern/worry/desire to help individuals in early stages of recovery trying to navigate literally everything right at the moment.
The world is different right now, as we all know, are aware of, and feel. Life is entirely different than it was a few weeks ago, even a week ago.
My quick update is: I’m safe, ok, and grateful to be able to distance myself almost entirely. My part-time work is currently closed, and employees are being paid for the time being under the companies emergency pay policy. I’m currently living ALONE alone as the landlords are gone. Keeping myself busy and entertained with walks from home (SOOOOOOO blessed to be able to do this and live in a rural area), started a YouTube channel, lots of jump roping around the apartment, and reading.
I hope you are all safe, healthy, and ok ♥
Now for sharing some writing:
This is something that until recently I didn’t consciously draw into my story or my existence.
While subconsciously it was present from a young age,
there can often be a disconnect between subconscious and conscious.
A space between knowing and being ready to know and explore.
This area is the space between an event and us being ready to at least semi tackle the unpackaging of this event.
Trauma can be SO many things.
Try not to box it or box yourself into it.
Let it be a word that exists,
something you/a friend/significant other/loved one may have gone through.
When someone has experienced an event that was traumatic in nature,
it contributes in some way to their being.
It plays a role.
It’s part of the persons story.
It DOES NOT define them.
It will never define them.
It will never define me because I refuse to allow it to.
We are not defined by one aspect of our lives but rather each component, characteristic, personality trait, interest, passion, experience, etc. and all of these combined.
Every little and big thing plays a role.
Try not to diminish the roles of each puzzle piece,
because after all they are all puzzle pieces and each piece is essential to figure out the puzzle.
As I begin to unpack my own experience with trauma I am learning new things about myself, my story, and my needs.
I am learning better, more ideal ways to nurture myself.
Ways to help myself move forward.
Ways to support myself.
I am essentially tending to my inner child in the ways my inner child was never tended to.
After 6.5 years in remission from anorexia nervosa I am becoming consciously aware of a puzzle piece that has been a portion of my story since before the start of my eating disorder at age 11 that I was not until recently consciously aware of.
I am a firm believer that things come to the table when we are ready to take them on.
1, 2, 3 years ago – I wasn’t ready.
Maybe mentally I was ready but spiritually I wasn’t.
I am now ready.
I am terrified, floored, scared, and uneasy – but I am ready.
For me, ready doesn’t always mean game face. It might…
But it might mean isolating, dialing back, becoming quiet, going hermit mode, drawing into my core self to try and be there for the parts of me that I do understand fully because those parts need attention right now.
Please, give yourself grace.
Pat yourself on the back.
Give yourself a hug.
Reach out to someone if you are able to.
Cut yourself some slack.
I promise, you will find the puzzle pieces one by one.
And you are absolutely strong enough to put them together and work through the process.