Hi folks!
Happy Friyay 🙂
Wednesday was another frolic up (and down) Mt. Pierce. Guys, I was just on this mountain last week. Might be time to call an intervention soon. I kid, I kid. The contrast from last Thursday to Wednesday though is crazy, it was such a different summit experience and Eisenhower looked much more moody.
The southern presidentials are so wonderful and they feel like a great hike option for a half-day hike (considering your pace of course) and they are far enough to feel like the escape I need. This is actually one of the hardest things about living up north – finding my escape. Coming up here for the day to hike always felt like an escape from the seacoast, because it was. The mountains, North Conway, anywhere past mid-NH on 93 or 16 would do the trick. Living here is different. I LOVE it, but it’s different. I find myself in North Conway no longer feeling that same magical experience. It’s too close to where I live. Rather, it’s more the mountains that provide this now, especially the ones that are an hour to and hour and a half away, not 30 minutes. Something about the drive to and from, time to get really excited and time to reflect on the hike after.
This hike was actually my first winter solo 4000 footer. I’ve hiked solo in the winter before, but never a 4K. I’ve hiked a handful of 4K’s solo, but mostly summer and fall.
It was fun.
Freeing.
Full of joy.
I felt so much enthusiasm.
Exhibit A:
The solo hike was great for my creative mind. I had two client calls Tuesday eve, so spending time along in nature the following day was great for brainstorming ideas for them! I find nature is where I do my best thinking, where the puzzle pieces come together.
I’ve started keeping a notebook in my car for post hike thoughts, or even when I’m just driving and need to get something out (is this what writing a book looks like?). Historically I would voice message myself or create a voice memo. I prefer actual pen to paper. Voice messages do still come in handy though when I can’t write fast enough, which happens.
This post isn’t a typical recap.
I could simply only write about the hike and trail itself – telling you that the winter wonderland is real. That the wind on the summit was very much present and whipping. How I was happy to have many layers on. And that there were very few hikers out on Wednesday, one of which was my landlord, Sue, which was fun and I enjoyed playing the guessing game of at what point I would catch her and her hiking friend on my ascent.
That could be my post.
Rather, there’s more of a story to this hike.
And I love stories.
I’m an introvert. Myers Briggs INFP for those than know what that means. I come across as an extrovert often because of my outgoing tendencies. I’m social. I enjoy connection and can appear to thrive in most social realms. I love public speaking. Teaching is one of my favorite things.
But I need that alone time. If I don’t get it, I combust, eventually.
Alone time equates to recharge the battery and recalibrate the balance.
Working part time in retail again has taken a nice hit towards my introvert side which also means my creative side. I’m notoriously bad at saying ‘no’ when people place external expectations on me in work environments. I’ve never been a human who operates for extended periods of times. I operate in bursts, often accomplishing in 2 hours what takes others 4-5. It’s my M.O. I dig the company I am working for, and my co-workers, these are the saving graces.
Flashback to September:
Moving North was the icing on the metaphorical cake.
I didn’t think I was going to pull it off, but deep down I knew it was happening. This whole intuition/sixth sense/internal knowing has been running the show for a while now and I’m learning more and more to just trust it vs. question and trust it.
Moving wasn’t an option. Staying on the seacoast or relocating was an option. Staying in the comfort of employment that was already established, in an area with a strong support system close by, and in the geographical location I had lived my entire life – option 1. Moving away, finding a part-time gig to support myself as I embark further into entrepreneur land, piecing together new social connections, acclimating to a new area – option 2.
Option 2.
Insert: trust fall with the universe and my gut feels.
I was terrified but there was a little spark inside of me that knew it needed to happen.
What has been so painful is feeling a lack in creative energy. So many ideas but an inability to act.
And fear. Fearing my capacity. Fearing the light. I’ve been so efficient at managing the dark stuff for years, that actually it has become more comfortable.
Fast forward to now: puzzle pieces are aligning. While I describe working retail as a highly sensitive introvert kind of like the Dementors in Harry Potter are coming for you – I did it for 9 years before, so I can surely do it for the time being. I’m getting my groove in navigating this specific position as well and reminding myself that it isn’t my career, which helps. The clients I am working with are wonderful. I have found a space for an office in North Conway. Things are coming together and my sleeve is full of ideas.
Ideas that are becoming pen to paper not just running around in my head.
It’s a process.
I needed to slow down to speed up again.
Not a linear process.
Wednesdays hike was one of the moments I’ve felt most alive since moving. The other most alive moments have occurred within the past few weeks.
Things are shifting.
My brain and body are coming back online with each other.
It feels more flow than force.
I needed a chunk of time with myself and my parts. Self-ingredients.
Wednesdays hike (run) of Pierce was that chunk of time.
I just let myself feel all of it and embrace all of it.
The fear. The dark. The light. The unknowns.
Reminded myself that I can take care of myself.
Reminded myself of what I’ve previously overcome and that this in and of itself is actually the primary reason I started my business.
It’s not a puzzle, it’s just the process.
The current stage of the process and my story is this:
Rekindle the fire, do what I can to stay stoked and full of enthusiasm, trust trust trust, be an introvert as much as my creative self needs, and chase all the squirrels that feel like they are going to support the light not the dark.
Oh, and love. Love for everything that’s unfolding.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” — Robert Holden
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